they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My feet surprised me
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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