I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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