end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
