So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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