I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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