yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
