he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
