My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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