it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
