Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
