ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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