If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
that may or may not have been my penis.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
