Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
