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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I currently don't understand fingers.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
