I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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