I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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