is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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