She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
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She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
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Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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