the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
There's always time for handjobs
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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