I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
