He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
