I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.