The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.