Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.