wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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