he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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