he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
