my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
