areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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