Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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