HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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