Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
