I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
