Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
