So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
