After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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