IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
