I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
