I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
