Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My feet surprised me
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