But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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