I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
