Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
