I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
