thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
