I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
