I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
