wakey wakey hands off snakey
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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