My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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