i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
