my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
