neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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