I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
