Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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