Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
