His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
