I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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