reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
