Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
