I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
