fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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