I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
