I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
2020 sucks, I want a refund
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
