i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
