i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
