we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I have aggressive nipples.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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