Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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