Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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