Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
