i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
