I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
