woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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