Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals