Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.