i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often