I CAN MOONWALK!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.