The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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