1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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