I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
