My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
