I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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