You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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