A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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