so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
