I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
